Things the Conservative Party Could Run in the Next Federal Election in Any Calgary Riding and Still Win: The List

• a worn shoe
• a gnawed pencil
• a burnt piece of toast
• a dilapidated dog house
• a mint 1972 penny
• a crooked three-ring binder
• a splayed piece of copper wiring
• a pebble
• petrified wood
• a fire hydrant
• a chipped china cup
• a bowl of oatmeal
• a bent nail
• a wilted fern
• a slice of apple
• a stop sign
• a children’s tricycle
• a broken pair of sunglasses
• a pen with no ink
• a commodore 64
• a fork missing a tine
• a pull tab
• a kitchen faucet
• a bit of string
• hard candy
• a yogurt maker
• a stripped screw
• astro turf
• a fingernail clipping
• Nortel stock
• a fig
• an empty roll of Scotch tape
• a sapling
• a rusty paperclip
• a wad of gum
• a typewriter
• a pumpkin
• a twist tie
• copper tubing
• a leaf of lettuce
• a broken beer bottle
• a Sharpie with a missing cap
• a Tensor bandage
• a pea
• a People’s Choice Award
• a doorbell
• a toothbrush
• a box of Nuts and Bolts
• a deflated soccer ball
• a rusty bike chain
• a burnt-out lightbulb
• Rob Anders